Doctor’s Note | Sharks in the Shower

Patient: Kindergarten Student
Noted Behavior: Continues to dance after music has been turned off. Continues to act hysterical after the teacher asks her to sit back down.
Duration of Behavior: This past month
Diagnosis: Poor hearing skills
Patient’s Explanation: I want people to laugh – I want them to think I am funny.
Patient: First Grade Student
Noted Behavior: Occasionally pushes other classmates & has threatened to push another classmate down the stairs.
Duration of Behavior: Since after Thanksgiving break
Diagnosis: Temper issues (possible bully?)
Patient’s Explanation: I was taught to stick up for myself.
Patient: Third Grade Student
Noted Behavior: Overshares her fortunate lifestyle during weekly circle time. When she participates, she tells a different story about her trip(s) to Disney World or Los Angeles
Duration of Behavior: Since September
Diagnosis: Narcissistic Personality
Patient’s Explanation: You asked me to tell a story. I like telling happy ones.
Patient: Sixth Grade Student
Noted Behavior: Speaks openly about drug use and criminal behavior with those who are her age or younger.
Duration of Behavior: Last Week
Diagnosis: Possibly comes from an unstable household.
Patient’s Explanation: I was talking about a dream I had. What’s wrong with having an imagination?
Patient: High School Sophomore
Noted Behavior: Spends an excessive amount of time with another classmate to the point she has been accused of harassment. The administrator of the school advises the two to not speak until tomorrow.
Duration: Last Two Weeks
Diagnosis: Questionable Behavior… possibly rediscovering her sexual orientation and is embarrassed?
Patient’s Explanation: It’s called being a friend. My bad for having someone’s back. Next time I won’t get emotionally involved. 
Patient: College Freshman
Noted Behavior: Finishes at least one pack of gum a day.
Duration: Since Orientation Week
Diagnosis: Suffers from anxiety
Patient’s Explanation: Would you rather me bite my nails?
Patient: College Junior
Noted Behavior: Irritable and severe fatigue during the day. Keeps to herself and stays in her room for hours on end without needing food or basic affection.
Duration: Since March
Diagnosis: Dealing with depression & acute insomnia
Patient’s Explanation: I’m just trying to be a good friend.
Patient: College Senior
Noted Behavior: N/A Has not been coming to weekly sessions
Duration: Since August
Diagnosis: N/A
Patient’s Explanation: *voicemail*

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