Subtweets

“If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” is a saying that no longer applies when we have access to social media in our back pockets. The saying should be changed to, “If you have nothing nice to say out loud, go ahead and tweet about it,” better yet, why don’t you subtweet? Tweet out something that is so out of context that only the person you are secretly wasting 140 characters on will understand it:

“If you aren’t making an effort, neither will I!”

“I hate you for trying to change me.”

“Don’t be upset if you don’t hear from me.”

I understand that you are really passionate about these cliché needy quotes, but your ex-best friend or boyfriend really couldn’t careless.

Boys do not have time for subtweeting. Some guys don’t even have time for Twitter. But girls get high off of those over the top passive aggressive messages.

Girls are crazy. We think that if we tweet about a specific person, without mentioning his or her name, they will come across the tweet and feel the need to contact us and console us.

I don’t think so.

What’s even better is when I come across some nasty subtweets that are supposed to ruin my day, and then that person will text me out of the blue saying things like:

“OMG I miss you so much! I love you.”

“You’re the best.”

Stop it. You’re pathetic.

If you want to get anyone’s attention, trying putting your phone away and talking to the person face-to-face. You know? Like back in the days when we didn’t have smart phones. Remember that? Or maybe trying confronting the person, because more than likely, they haven’t seen your subtweets and if they have, they are keeling over from laughter.

If you have the time to tweet about something, you have the time to talk about it.

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