The Downside of Feeling Needed


Every person craves attention. Every person likes knowing – at least once – that they are needed somehow. Whether it’d be for a temporary or permanent situation, just hearing the phrase, “I need you,” can feel really great. Every person loves knowing they have made a difference in someone else’s life in one way or another. A majority of the time, a person has influenced another person but never knows it. That is the beauty in simply being yourself.

But sometimes that isn’t good enough and we thrive off of completing or helping someone, either romantically or platonically. We get sucked into this relationship that gives us nothing in return but feeling used; but for some reason, we continue to feed fuel to the fire because God forbid, that other person loses interest in us.

You’re better off having that friend or significant other lose interest in you, because as of now, you are pursuing a toxic codependent relationship.

At this moment YOU are the one who is codependent. You’re codependent on completing this other person’s day no matter if you get something in return. You’re codependent on being there for that person because you fear losing him or her. You’re codependent on the illusion that you are in control when in reality, you are spiraling out of control. Unfortunately, you have only yourself to blame.

If you find yourself making life choices based off of someone else’s wants or needs, you need to remove yourself immediately.

If you find yourself being punished on a weekly or daily basis by this person because you did one small mistake, you need to stop contacting this person.

No one should ever feel like a burden. A friendship or relationship should never be draining. You shouldn’t feel emotionally exhausted after talking to or spending time with this person.

Friends and significant others hit a rough patch or two during the time of their relationship – but these “rough patches” shouldn’t be occurring routinely.

If you find yourself in this pattern of fixing another person, literally hitting a reset button in the middle of the week, just to put out fires merely 24 hours later, leave NOW.

Understand the red flags and remove yourself from the situation. Some days you will think the relationship is repaired and things are back to the way they used to be… Do not fall for this mindset. You need to step back and evaluate how this person has been treating you and what you have sacrificed all this time. The second you start thinking everything is fine, while you’re pursuing an emotionally abusive relationship, you are far gone. It will take you longer to actually reset your situation and remove yourself.

It’s hard to realize when – in your eyes – something innocent has turned toxic. I personally have experienced a lot of toxic friendships in the past; some were temporary and others lasted longer than they should have. Now when I meet someone new and the friendship has a great intensity in a short amount of time, I start to set boundaries. Either the person respects them or they don’t.

Unless you’re literally someone’s medication or parent, do not take them saying, “I need you,” to heart. Because if they really needed you, how did they survive without you all those years?

At the end of the day, what you really need is yourself.

You need your sanity.

You need your health.

You need your happiness.

Don’t let anyone be your kryptonite.


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