There are two types of people in this world: those who bring you up, and those who bring you down. Sometimes the friends we relied on to support us all these years turn into jealousy-ridden fools, when we have something change in our own lives (i.e. new milestone, new relationship, new job, etc.). That’s why, when we are going through a positive transition, it seems that complete strangers are nicer to us than our own friends. Strangers didn’t know you when you were a Simple Sally: too scared to ask your crush out, haven’t been kissed yet and aspired to be a pop star. But your friends did. Maybe when you were a Simple Sally, your friend was an Adventurous Amy: pursued at least one intimate relationship, earned medals in a certain activity, already knew what college she was applying to.
But you are no longer a Simple Sally. You are YOU; and that’s something different for everyone. Now you’ve graduated from college, you’re in a serious relationship and have a great job lined up, maybe even an apartment with your significant other. But your friend is still an Adventurous Amy. She has no plans for after college and is still struggling to find true love. She still lives at home.
And you wonder why she doesn’t appreciate you the same way she did when you were a Simple Sally?
There are two phrases your Adventurous (or not so anymore) Amys have said to you up to this change in your life:
He/She is CONTROLLING you.
You have CHANGED.
Before you take any of these claims to heart, you need to step back and analyze the context.
WHAT is being said?
WHO is saying it?
WHY it should/should not matter.
He/She is CONTROLLING you.
Now this claim has got to be my favorite. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve heard it about my own fiancé or myself.
First off – we are all in control of our actions. The people we welcome into our lives can only influence us poorly or positively.
Unless your significant other is abusing you by any means, your friends need to calm down.
It is YOUR choice for staying with him/her.
Don’t we welcome others into our lives so we can feel something new? What is wrong with love? What is wrong with anything that makes you happy or safe?
NOTHING.
Your friends are jealous. They’re jealous that you are spending time with someone who isn’t them. They’re jealous that they are not a top priority in your life anymore.
Now let’s return to the context of this claim:
Is your friend in a relationship?
Probably not.
He/She has zero reality with what you are going through.
You have CHANGED.
This claim is beautiful!
Translation: You’re years ahead of me in accomplishments. Why am I not better than you anymore?
Naturally, people do evolve. We go through school; we get married; we have kids. But sometimes, those around us do not evolve at the same intensity. This is when the people who have plateaued start to measure STATUS – AKA: Where do you live? Where do you work? Do you make more money than me? How can you afford THAT? (The list goes on…unfortunately).
This is why you’re better off getting NEW people in your life! Don’t hang around those who knew you as a Simple Sally, because when you start blossoming, they will find weeds in your garden.
If your circle of friends is not changing, YOU are not changing.
Going through transitions can be both exciting and upsetting. It’s difficult watching your close friends’ true colors shine through when you only want them to be happy for you.
But remember – you keep doing you and shining on, and the RIGHT people will stick around.
Don’t take things to heart that aren’t worth your time.